How to Deal with Conflict

Confrontation can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. 

Healthy ways of dealing with conflict isn’t something we are inherently taught or learn in school but that doesn’t mean we can’t deal with arguments as adults.

Accept that conflict is bound to happen

It’s natural to have conflict with people in your life. Conflict isn’t something you can avoid. It is however something you can manage.  

Remain calm

Your response to conflict can set the mood for how it is resolved or not resolved. Try and remain calm whether you’re trying to help your friend or it’s your own conflict. Providing a calming or even neutral standpoint can help decrease the intensity of the problem. 

Understand your own standpoint and where you want to go from here

Clarke university suggests using I-based statements to express your feelings.  

  • I feel (strongest feeling)
  • When you (objective description of the behavior)
  • Because (specific impact or consequences)
  • I would like (what you want the person to do in the future to prevent the problem) 

Analyze the conflict

A heightened analysis of the situation will help you to clarify the specific problem you’re dealing with.  

Do you know what caused the conflict? Did a specific event trigger this or has it been building for a while? 

Who are you angry with? You might be directing your anger and one individual however that might not be who you are actually angry with.  

What are you not getting? Did the conflict stem from a lack of something? A miscommunication maybe? 

What are you afraid of losing? Do you feel that by addressing the conflict, you might lose someone important in your life? 

Is your conflict/anger accurate or over exaggerated? Has your anger been amplified by something else, logical or illogical? Or is your level of anger justified and valid? 

How can your conflict be resolved? Do you need to talk with the other people involved or do you need to do something more?  

Use neutral language

Often when a conflict arises, it is easy to be quick to use inflammatory language such as profanity and name calling. If you can instead direct your anger to the problem itself, rather than the other people involved, this can help de-escalate the conflict.

Separate the person from the problem

Which brings us to the next point, separating the problem and the person. Viewing the conflict as the problem on its own caused by other circumstances or behaviour rather than a problem with the person can help the situation. Even if you and the people involved decide to cut ties, at least you’re less likely to hate the others involved.

Work together to solve the issue

This is a problem you’re facing together after all. Listen to each other and how the conflict is affecting both sides.  

Agreeing to disagree

Everyone has a different point of view so it’s not surprising that you won’t agree on everything the other person believes. What you can do is agree to disagree and move onto the next point.  

Don’t get stuck in the past

Sometimes resentment can take a hold and suddenly you notice everything that has ever bothered you about the other person. Instead of dwelling on the past, try and focus on the future and moving forward.  

Creativity is your best friend

Finding a resolution that satisfies everyone requires creativity and hard work. Don’t just give in to what the other people want as this can result in more conflict later on. Agreements that are reached too early usually do not last very long.  

If creativity is your best friend, being specific of your needs is your second best

Make sure everyone understands and agrees with the proposed resolution. For example, you might be using written down, established ground rules to help communicate and keep on track of your needs and others you live with or actively socialise with. Make sure the resolution is clearly set out and that any possibly ambiguous terms are re-worded.  

A resolution might require compromisation on both parts and a high degree of flexibility before stamping down on a resolution. Compromising is a positive thing as it can make sure that both sides get what they want from this and that every need is taken into consideration.  

WRITTEN BY

Share This Story

DISCLAIMER: We always aim to credit the original source of every image we include in our content. If you think a credit may be incorrect, please get in touch at marketing@cohorted.co.uk.