The Art of Enjoying to Say No
Saying no to someone can sometimes be a difficult and awkward encounter. Be it a friend, family member or co-worker, it’s facing the fear of potentially sounding selfish or rude, or just wanting to be a full-time people pleaser. It’s tough to admit we can’t do it all, but even tougher to keep up with a constantly jam-packed calendar. Not giving ourselves the grace of boundaries quickly leads to burn-out and adverse impacts when juggling multiple work or social commitments.
To some, not instantaneously jumping to say yes comes naturally, but for others it is something to practise and learn. If you find it hard to prioritise your own time, keep in mind the following tips and tricks and discover the art of enjoying to say NO!
Learn to let go
The first step in the art of saying no is adjusting your mind set and knowing that you should not feel guilty for doing so. Unfortunately, being an assertive woman can often be misconstrued as a bossy woman. Put a stop to this antiquated narrative and remember that saying yes all the time won’t make your life easier – in the long run, control over the way we spend our free time or valuable working hours will diminish at the hands of someone else’s requests.
Pre-empt and prepare
For some of us, being put on the spot can be an anxiety-inducing situation and causes us to panic, making rash decisions. Sometimes we’ll agree to things just because in the heat of the moment we become flustered and saying yes often feels like the nicest thing to do. Catching an easy target off guard is an unfair way of making someone cooperate, but being prepared to respond will hopefully allow you to think twice before agreeing.
Have a few phrases ready to say when approached with a proposition, request or favour. Suggesting an alternative or posing a question back to them can buy you time to consider.
“That sounds great but I’m just a bit busy at the moment, can we discuss it later?”
“I’d love to help but I’ve got too much on my plate at the moment. You could try asking X instead?”
“Thank you but I’ll have to get back to you about this.”
These examples are centred on a work context, but are more than applicable to other scenarios. Allowing yourself to respect your own boundaries and not agree to everything that comes your way will lead to a much less stressful life as you start to take on less responsibilities when you physically do not have the capacity to do so.
Stop apologising
Maybe it’s just a British thing, but we love to say sorry! I’m sorry but… is the most unnecessary precursor to a completely valid reason. There is no need to apologise for saying no when prioritising your own time and ability. It is more than possible to be polite and simultaneously unapologetic, start owning your decisions and enjoy saying no by being assertive and without feeling bad.
'That sounds great but I’m just a bit busy at the moment, can we discuss it later?'
How you say it
As mentioned, you can be polite! Also, when turning down an offer or invitation, keep your reason short and sweet so the other party doesn’t think you are open to a discussion about your answer. Listing multiple reasons or too much detail might invite them to challenge your answer. You can formulate your answer in two parts: thank them very much for thinking of you on this occasion or for inviting you to do something; then close with a firm decline.
It may take practice but mastering this art is one of the most beneficial things you can achieve for your own sake and self-development. Tell yourself that saying no to anyone isn’t impolite – it’s a matter of prioritising your own life, wellbeing, time and energy. Two things to keep in mind are what you say and how you say it. So, say no with conviction (and a smile!) for a happier and healthier life!
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