What is Your Love Language?
Understanding a partner or a loved one’s love language is a crucial step in understanding how you can show affection in the way they appreciate it the most. Knowing your own also means that you can effectively communicate your preferred way to others, too!
It’s also not uncommon to want to be loved in a different way to how we show our love. For example, you might show care and affection to your partner by cooking their favourite meal every so often, however you yourself might prefer to be complimented or hear supportive, kind things said about you.
These actions, big or small, that we take to show the special people in our lives that we love them, can actually be categorised – thus, the “love languages”. They also tell us a lot about ourselves – how we like to love and how we like to be loved in return.
Let’s explore the 5 different types…
Words of Affirmation
What is it?
Whether spoken or written, people that value words of affirmation want to hear (or read) kind things. But it doesn’t always have to be “I love you”. Affirming words can come in the form of compliments, encouragement, emotional support, and anything you can say that will make your person feel valued, understood and uplifted. This can manifest as something like a small note, to a text message, a social media post, letter or in-person verbalisation. “I’m so proud of you”, “You’re doing an amazing job”, “I’m always here for you no matter what”.
How do I show this?
Take the time to handwrite them a special card reminding them of how much you appreciate them, or make a point of regularly affirming your feelings for them. It may not sound like a grand gesture, but your words will not go amiss.
Physical Touch
What is it?
Someone who enjoys physical touch may enjoy either expressing it to their loved ones or receiving it, for example by holding hands. This doesn’t always equate to sex, but physical intimacy with a partner may constitute as one of the ways this person enjoys their affection. They simply just enjoy having a loved one close, and will feel more comforted by a cuddle than by kind words. Kissing, hugging, dancing and massaging can all provide the ultimate emotional connection for them.
How do I show this?
If for a partner, organise a movie date night on the sofa, with plenty of cuddling throughout which will make them feel safe and loved. If for a non-romantic loved one, try to embrace them more often.
Gifts
What is it?
The most self-explanatory of the five, those who consider receiving gifts as the ultimate symbol of somebody’s love and care for them. Generally, neither the size nor price of the gift matters to the receiver, but most importantly the thought and meaning behind the gift itself. Someone who values receiving gifts as a way of being shown love, will mostly value that someone has taken the time and effort to give them something to show they were thinking of them, or to show that they know them well. A special piece of jewellery or just their favourite bar of chocolate – a gift with thought speaks volumes to this person.
How do I show this?
When out shopping, if you spot your person’s favourite snack or just a pair of cosy socks you know they’d love, pop them in your basket and say: “I saw this today and thought of you, I had to buy it!”
Acts of Service
What is it?
This person feels the most loved when their day is made that little bit better or easier when someone goes out of their way to demonstrate their affection, through alleviating the burden of daily chores or stepping in to take care of them. This love language embodies the saying “actions speak louder than words” and giving acts of service means showing you appreciate everything they do by giving up your time, not just by telling them they’re doing a great job.
How do I show this?
If your partner often does a particular task like cooking dinner, food shopping or even just taking out the bins, take the pressure off every now and then, and take care of it for them. Breakfast in bed is always a winner.
Quality Time
What is it?
No phones. No distractions. No one else. This pillar of love language requires your undivided attention so that your partner feels loved and understood. Quality time means this person values one-on-one conversations, activities or just simply spending time with their favourite people. An important distinction is that the time is quality not quantity. The person doesn’t mind how often this occurs, they only ask that the time itself is meaningful or memorable, and you are solely focused on enjoying the present with them. Undivided attention is a critical component of quality time.
How do I show this?
Ensure you block out time in your schedule to dedicate to someone that values quality time. Take a walk, organise a FaceTime call. Go the extra mile and book a weekend getaway for your special someone.
Just like when speaking a foreign language, things can get lost in translation when love languages are concerned. But luckily, you don’t need to be fluent to be able to understand everyone else – just open and willing to learn.
Do you know which love language your loved ones speak? Which language do you resonate with the most?
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