Why You Need to Stop People Pleasing
Let’s start with the simple reasons as to why you need to stop people pleasing. Firstly, it’s an impossible task, you simply can’t please everyone. Each person has different pleasure points; you, me, and them – we’re all different and truthfully, it’s not your life purpose to please other people, so why keep trying?
First and foremost, you need to ask yourself why you would want to be a people pleaser. Otherwise, take a moment to reflect on the reasons you might one be already. Is it because you want to feel validated or accepted? Do you want to avoid judgement? Are you doing it for a ‘simple’ life? Or simply because you don’t want to upset others?
Neither of the above should be valid reasons as to why you should want to be a people pleaser. What about you? Why do you have the duty to please others when you could just, please yourself. If this is you, that’s okay. Self-awareness is the most important part of your self-development journey. If there’s anything you want to work on in 2022, un-becoming a people pleaser is number 1.
'You're only hurting you in the long run and that's just not the energy we're aiming for.'
Being a people pleaser is an unhealthy habit. Whilst it might give you slight satisfaction when you’re in action, overtime you will burnout, most likely have no sense of personal boundaries, no awareness of your own wants and desires and you could also feel isolated and alone. Lastly, you’re likely to be disconnected from yourself. It’s not something you can maintain positively. You’re only hurting you in the long run and that’s just not the energy we’re aiming for.
The first step to undo people pleasing is to be mindful of the language you use.
Affirmations to use to undo people pleasing
“My energy will not be wasted by trying to please others”
“I will not live to be a people pleaser, now or never”
“I cannot please, nor can I make everyone happy, therefore I choose to make myself happy”
The second step is to reflect on the reasons as to why you think you’re a people pleaser, vs the times you’ve done things to please others. How did it really make you feel? Why did you do it? and would you do it again to get the same result/feeling?
Third step. Think about you. Have a moment to yourself and write all the boundaries down that you can set for yourself and other people.
Follow this exercise up with:
‘What do I really want?’
‘What type of person do I need to be to get you exactly where I want to be?’
‘Does the higher version of ME please people to get what I want?’
It’s time to remove yourself from the heavy burden that we call ‘people pleasing’ and take a well-deserved rest. Once you remove yourself from this unwanted commitment you once made, you’ll realise how much pressure you had put on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to uplift others and do nice things for them but when it becomes a consistent and key part of your life, it doesn’t have the same impact. You can show up for them in other ways. The best way is to put yourself first. Make yourself happy and it will always reflect outwardly.
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